I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
