who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize