The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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