so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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