yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
