how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize