i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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