I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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