I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
