she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
