is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
