Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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