Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
