I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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