Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
