There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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