My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
