I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
