He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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