Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
