Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
