I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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