I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I understand Curling. That high.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
