But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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