how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
