so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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