You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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