your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
