official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
