Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize