I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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