Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize