I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
