I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
