If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
