i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
