If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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