i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
