she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
