so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
