i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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