Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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