Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
