we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
