So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
birth control should be required to get into college
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
