It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
