Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
