Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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