I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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