Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
