if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
