I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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