Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
