I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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