Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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