Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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