it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
