u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
