I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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