you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
