All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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