I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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