dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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