dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You may now shotgun with the bride
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
