my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
