last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just pee around me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
