I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
