i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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