i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
