I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
