***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize