walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can I color on your dick again?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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