No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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