saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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