well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
