i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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