She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
