I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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