My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
