Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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